Do you and your husband get home from a long day at work, do the “hey, how are you?…fine…okay, cool…” and turn back to your phone or TV or current task? Is that usually the extent of your conversation because you are too tired or distracted to go with a further answer than “fine”?
This year, I decided that I wanted to be more intentional with my husband and our conversations. We usually eat dinner together, and that time usually ends up being wasted with us being on our phones or watching TV.
And I see so many couples at restaurants not even talking to each other because they are on their phones. Maybe they prefer texting or tweeting each other? Who knows.
We have lost the intimacy of conversation and really getting to know someone.
I am a firm believer that even after you get married you need to date your spouse and continue learning about their likes, interests and needs. Those things aren’t always communicated in an obvious way. So I want to make the time we do have together more of a “get to know you”, a “how can I be encouraging you”, or “dream together” time.
So I typed up/wrote out a few questions, cut them out, and put them into a mason jar. Not fancy at all.
Now at dinner we switch off pulling out a question and are intentional about conversing with each other in a more meaningful way.
Here are some examples of questions you can use to spark the conversation:
Focus on Your Marriage
What is something specific I did last week that made you feel loved, honored and/or respected? If you didn’t feel this way, explain why not.
What progress have we made towards the goals we set for this year? What things remain for us to achieve them?
Are you satisfied with the way we share responsibilities? Why or why not?
Are you satisfied with the frequency and quality of our physical intimacy?
What is your favorite outfit of mine that I wear?
What has been a high point of our relationship this year? What has been a low point?
What is different in our relationship that you are glad is different? What is the same in our relationship that you are glad is the same?
In what characteristic or attribute would you like to see me grow? Explain why.
What can I be doing more of? And what can I be doing less of?
What is one thing we can do to make our relationship stronger?
Put Your Spouse First
What does your upcoming week entail? What is something specific this week that I can do to help you feel loved, honored and/or respected?
Is there anything I do (or fail to do) that seems to indicate lack of wholehearted commitment to our marriage?
Does it seem that there is anything keeping one or both us from God’s best in our lives? What can I do alleviate whatever is holding us back?
Biggest challenge you have overcome this week, month or year?
What does your day look like tomorrow? Or this week?
When was a time you felt deeply connected to me?
How can I pray for you?
Learn Something New
What’s your favorite band right now?
What’s your favorite meal?
What are you passionate about?
If you could do anything, what would your ideal kind of work be?
Is there a talent or skill you would like to learn this year?
What else would you like to share with me?
Where do you want to go on vacation next?
If we could live anywhere in the world, where would you want to live?
Where do you want to be a year from today?
What is your hope for our family in the next five years?
What is something fun you would like to do together?
Remember it is good to reaffirm your spouse and actually listen to what they are saying. So put your phones in another room and get to talking!
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